Apprehension
by celinenaville
Summary: Tony and Pepper have a heart to heart about the events of New York that have Tony on edge.


Tony Stark raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me with this?"

"No." Pepper told him calmly. "Tony, you're under stress. I think talking to someone might help."

Pepper rolled her eyes. "You can't even talk about New York" She saw a shadow pass across his face.

"Really, because it seems like we're talking about it now."

"Stop deflecting! You're so infuriating sometimes."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

"Don't tell me whatever! You're scared. You can't talk about it because for the first time in your life you've run into something greater than your intellect. You can't explain away gods. You can't wrap your mind around aliens. It's not the physical peril you were in - it's that you can't intellectually handle what's been thrown at you."

"Yeah, you know what?" Tony crossed his arms. "We don't need to talk about this anymore."

Pepper studied the defensive posture. She could almost feel the tension building in him. He was trying to deflect her with his sarcasm but he was growing more uncomfortable.

"You don't get to decide what we talk about."

"Um, _hello._ " He pointed to himself. "Boss." He pointed to her. "Employee. I do get to decide what we talk about."

Pepper crossed her arms. "Seriously? You seriously think you're the boss in this relationship? You better think again, Tony Stark. If I want to talk about a problem we have you had better damn well consider talking about it."

She saw the sweat break out on his brow. He was cornered. He knew it. "Yeah," he turned to head out the door. "We don't..."he paused to catch his breath. She approached him slowly, her hand touched his shoulder, "Tony."

He drew back putting her at arm's length. He leveled a finger at her. "Don't _touch_ me! I have adrenaline and norepinephrine surging through my system right now."

Pepper narrowed her eyes. "Okay."

Tony turned on his heel and jogged out of the room. He heard Pepper's voice behind him. "To-ny!"

Tony's legs gave out on him once he reached a corner of his bedroom. He sank down breathing heavily. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He concentrated on his breathing for a moment - trying to get his heart to stop pounding.

"Tony," Peppers stood over him, her hands on her hips.

He looked up from his spot on the floor, eyes dark and glassy. "This seems like a nice corner," he replied. "I don't spend enough time in it really."

Pepper knelt down and put a hand on his shoulder, "You okay?"

"That could be the most retarded thing I've ever heard you say. Do I _look_ okay? Does anything about my posture seem OK to you right now?"

"Hey," she said sharply. "Don't give me attitude, Tony Stark." He held her gaze for a moment and then dropped it and buried his head against his knees Pepper opened her arms and he leaned into her. She ran her fingers through his thick dark hair. She could feel him from trembling under her touch. "You know everyone has a breaking point, even you. Its okay."

"It's not okay to be a superhero with crippling anxiety attacks." He said into her shoulder. I mean, how lame is that?" There was a pause.

"What happened in that wormhole?"

She felt him tense and he pulled away. "Jesus Christ, Pepper!"

He stood up, the sweat breaking out on his brow. "Did you have to do that?"

"You need help, Tony."

"Whatever...I need help with people who insist on pestering me every 5 minutes to talk about things I don't want to remember."

She stood up, her expression one of steely resolve. "I can't help you unless you let me in."

"No one can help me, Pepper! That's the thing. You think if I manage to... To..." He stuttered a moment, "even vocalize what I'm thinking that it's going to go away? If I tell you how lost I felt after my mother died, how fucking _lonely_ and bored I was - then it's just ok then because I told someone?"

Her blue eyes softened. "I didn't know you felt that way."

" I don't know if I felt that way either. I was so young I don't remember half of what I thought or felt. I'm using it as an example."

She looked at him in that discomfiting way that she did when she saw through him. "Vocalize it, Tony. What happened? Tell me."

Tony opened his mouth to speak but it can only came out as a breath. Frustration suffused his features and he bit his lip. Pepper was suddenly struckwith how handsome he was. His dark hair, his dark eyes, the way his jaw clenched is he worked out what he was trying to form in his mind. The bafflement somehow suited him - a rarity. A gem hidden deep within the recesses of his ego.

He stamped his foot in a bit of childish temper. "I _can't!"_

"Why not?" Her tone was softer. Cajoling.

"It's not an event. It's... It's a sensation - a feeling, Pep. It's like trying to describe a sense to someone who has never had it. It's an experience. It's so visceral. Its utter nothing. And at the same time a raging tempest. A silent storm of power. Freezing and hot and..." His breath got away from him.

She saw the adrenaline surge shoot for him once more. "Gah... _God_ , Pepper!" He clenched his fist. "It's so uncomfortable!"

Pepper stepped closer. "Breathe. I'm right here."

He hugged her, burying his nose in her sleek strawberry blonde hair. She felt his ragged breath against her neck. "I'm scared. I don't even know what I'm scared of."

He shuddered, a deep ripple that moved through every inch of his body. A side effect of the anxiety she knew. She held him tighter, rubbing his back with the flat of her hand, noticing how taught the muscles were beneath her palm.

"It's over. You're with me." She whispered in his ear. "You went through something no human has ever been through before. Maybe something no human is meant to go through. You're fine. You survived it. It's okay. And it's okay to be scared."

"Don't tell anyone, okay?"

She smiled to herself. "Oh Tony. The secrets I don't tell anyone about you. I'll just add this to the list."

He leaned his cheek against her shoulder for a moment. "Don't tell anyone I sometimes listen to John Denver."

She giggled despite herself. "Or that you cry when you watch Bambi."

He pulled away indignantly. "I did not cry."

"I saw you watching it."

"It was on streaming, I was bored... I wasn't even watching it. It was in the background while I was working. Geez."

"You were crying."

"I was not. It was allergies."

"Since when do you have allergies?"

"When I watch lame Disney movies."

"Crying." She asserted, a smugness to her voice.

"Don't make me kill you." He swept her up in a rough bear hug and she made a half-hearted show of struggling to get away. There was a pause for a second. She heard him go quiet. "It's still not okay now that I've told you, you know."

"It's a start."

"I'm not doing that again. The world can just go screw itself next time. Or one of the other "superheroes" can make themselves useful for once."

"You'd do it again if you had to."

"Not," he replied childishly. She tried to break free from his grip and he picked her up and tossed her on the bed. She landed with a sudden indignant shriek.

He looked at her for a moment, dark eyes smoldering. Then abruptly he pursed his lips in thought. "I'm going to go grab a snack." He walked out the door and Pepper smiled. She loved him. No matter how irritating, glib, cocky, she saw the goodness that lurked behind it. He was worth it.

"Fix me some eggs!" she yelled.


End file.
